Can I be honest? I used to cut, my only escape from my head. I stopped because it was also hurting the ones I loved but the need is always there. More apparent sometimes than others. now is one of those times. I want to hurt... I want to bleed... Is that so wrong? How does my wound hurt someone else and how long can I hold it back. I want to self-destruct but I can't! I have a family, a beautiful daughter that depends on me. I want to be strong for her. Almost 18 months ago I wanted for the first time to be someone to look up to. For her I can do this. I'm no martyr though, this decision to have another child is purely selfish. Basically I want to do it because I think I can't. I tell myself "I'll show you!"
I'm doing the right thing, I am, really.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
LIES!!!
I hate lies. I rarely tell them even when I'm trying to be nice but some people... some people I can't mention here... use them ALL the time. I was listening to said person on the phone last night and I knew this person was just trying to validate their point but lying to do so.
My philosophy: If you can't make a point without lying then you DON'T HAVE THE POINT TO MAKE!
I so want to go into details right now but it really isn't necessary. Trust me.
My philosophy: If you can't make a point without lying then you DON'T HAVE THE POINT TO MAKE!
I so want to go into details right now but it really isn't necessary. Trust me.
I'm having a baby.
Ok not really, not yet, but it is my intention to have one soon. For this I have stopped taking my medication. This is where I think I will lose everyone because let's face it who wants to hear about another bi-polar chica?
I should probably introduce myself. My name is Kara and I'm thirty-something with a beautiful 18 month old daughter and a wonderful husband and... yadda yadda yadda. I have had this blog set up for over a year and this is my second attempt at writing anything. My problem is I have plenty to say, I just can't type it. Not because it's censored or anything, I just can't type. I'm a hunt-n-pecker typist with a concentration problem!
Ok that's about all I can manage this go round. I better post this before I lose my nerve.
I should probably introduce myself. My name is Kara and I'm thirty-something with a beautiful 18 month old daughter and a wonderful husband and... yadda yadda yadda. I have had this blog set up for over a year and this is my second attempt at writing anything. My problem is I have plenty to say, I just can't type it. Not because it's censored or anything, I just can't type. I'm a hunt-n-pecker typist with a concentration problem!
Ok that's about all I can manage this go round. I better post this before I lose my nerve.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Found: first attempt
Ok, this is my first official post and I don't think I will tell anyone it is even here.
It's one of those nights where my little brain synapses just aren't connecting and if I don't get it out then it will soon fade and be taken over by some other random weird 'thing' to come along!
So, my daughter is in bed for the night and I plopped down at the computer as usual. My monthly visitor is here and I am self-medicating with chocolate! Lots and lots of chocolate. I head to the kitchen on auto pilot and got out a paper plate, then to the refrigerator where I grabbed the milk. Next thing I realize is that I am about to pour the milk onto the paper plate (lid off, jug tipped) when it all came together that what I was doing was wrong. I laughed at myself, grabbed a glass and poured the milk. It's one of those days.
It's one of those nights where my little brain synapses just aren't connecting and if I don't get it out then it will soon fade and be taken over by some other random weird 'thing' to come along!
So, my daughter is in bed for the night and I plopped down at the computer as usual. My monthly visitor is here and I am self-medicating with chocolate! Lots and lots of chocolate. I head to the kitchen on auto pilot and got out a paper plate, then to the refrigerator where I grabbed the milk. Next thing I realize is that I am about to pour the milk onto the paper plate (lid off, jug tipped) when it all came together that what I was doing was wrong. I laughed at myself, grabbed a glass and poured the milk. It's one of those days.
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