Here I am...

Can I be honest? I used to cut, my only escape from my head. I stopped because it was also hurting the ones I loved but the need is always there. More apparent sometimes than others. now is one of those times. I want to hurt... I want to bleed... Is that so wrong? How does my wound hurt someone else and how long can I hold it back. I want to self-destruct but I can't! I have a family, a beautiful daughter that depends on me. I want to be strong for her. Almost 18 months ago I wanted for the first time to be someone to look up to. For her I can do this. I'm no martyr though, this decision to have another child is purely selfish. Basically I want to do it because I think I can't. I tell myself "I'll show you!"

I'm doing the right thing, I am, really.

LIES!!!

I hate lies. I rarely tell them even when I'm trying to be nice but some people... some people I can't mention here... use them ALL the time. I was listening to said person on the phone last night and I knew this person was just trying to validate their point but lying to do so.

My philosophy: If you can't make a point without lying then you DON'T HAVE THE POINT TO MAKE!

I so want to go into details right now but it really isn't necessary. Trust me.

I'm having a baby.

Ok not really, not yet, but it is my intention to have one soon. For this I have stopped taking my medication. This is where I think I will lose everyone because let's face it who wants to hear about another bi-polar chica?

I should probably introduce myself. My name is Kara and I'm thirty-something with a beautiful 18 month old daughter and a wonderful husband and... yadda yadda yadda. I have had this blog set up for over a year and this is my second attempt at writing anything. My problem is I have plenty to say, I just can't type it. Not because it's censored or anything, I just can't type. I'm a hunt-n-pecker typist with a concentration problem!

Ok that's about all I can manage this go round. I better post this before I lose my nerve.